I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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