oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
