Someone shit on the floor
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
