I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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