I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
