I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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