If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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