Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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