I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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