fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
