I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
