Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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