Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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