FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
