Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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