I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
