Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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