So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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