I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
