all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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