During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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