I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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