he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
