I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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