look no pants
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
