The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
