You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
