Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
