I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
