How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
