dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Randomize
