i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
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