Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
