Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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