i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
