i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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