6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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