I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
