and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
