I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Randomize
