mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
