AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
