Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
