that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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