Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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