I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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