i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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