My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
