I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
