what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
