The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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