So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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