No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
