Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
