I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
