***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
