I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
