Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
