I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
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once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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