I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
