he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
