Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
