So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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