I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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