So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
