i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
