Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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