Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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