I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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