We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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