Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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