How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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