This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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