I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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