i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
