I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I have already put on my inside pants.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
