Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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