Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
