I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
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She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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