Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
