in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
