census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Randomize
