God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
