He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
