i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize