Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
