i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
