Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
